The sins for which repentance is so hard to find are those that give the greatest pleasure and fullest satisfaction. The bible speaks of the “pleasures of sin for a season.” If sin did not provide some immediate gratification at least, no one would sin.
If possible, it is even more difficult to sorrow over those things the bible calls sin and our society calls virtue. This is bound to make some folk uncomfortable and others down-right mad, but here I go. I’m talking about family. In the bible, there is but one family system: husband, wife, and biological and adopted children. Within this biblical family system, the primary duty of the man is to provide food, clothing, shelter, and security to his family, and the primary duty of the woman is to support her husband in his duties and to incubate, nurture, educate, and prepare the next generation through the miracle of motherhood. Madness! Sheer madness! Do I not know ours is an enlightened society in which people can form any manner of relationships and call them, “families”? And do I not realize how out-of-date I sound by saying a dual income couple supported by the state through its childcare and public education system is not biblical?
Let me address the complementarian family gifted us at Creation. A family that does not strengthen its mutual bonds and instead relies upon the state to provide for it is a weak social structure that is easily fractured by economic or political hardship. Our society promotes a form of self-reliance in which we are not mutually dependent within the family but rather are dependent on the state to provide our basic needs. The biblical ideal is a mutual dependence within the family and self-reliance without.
So let me say categorically that no “family” other than the God-given one is a family in the biblical definition. Pete B. and his partner are not a family. An unmarried woman who has children without “needing” a husband is not a family. A legal union of a man and a woman of separate families who are joined as a step-family because earlier marriages or cohabitations didn’t work out as hoped is not a biblical family. Yes, widows and widowers can unite and form a biblical step-family. While not the foundational union that is the basis of a strong church and nation, they are honored as mutually sustaining and supporting family units. But they must be the exception and not the rule. A biblical family is a man and a woman bound together in a life-long union with their biological and adopted children.
Let me go farther into this snake pit. Jesus said that anyone who divorces for any reason other that absolute marital betrayal and marries another is an adulterer/adulteress. (And less you are looking for an escape clause, stepping out of a marriage and entering into a series of long and short-term sexual relationships is adultery as well, and if there is an economic incentive attached, rent paid, vacations taken, gifts bestowed, it is prostitution.) I don’t know how to fix this one for the nation at large. Our society does not regard the marriage bond as unbreakable. If a woman is unhappy in her marriage, she is encouraged to break her vows and seek after happiness in another relationship. We are surrounded by the shipwrecks of failed and abandoned marriages. And, let’s be honest, those new relationships may be healthier and more fulfilling than the marriages cast aside. A 40-something is often, not always but often, a little wiser when it comes to understanding another’s character than a 20-year-old in the heat of passion. They may find greater happiness in forming step-families. Try repenting of that! Seriously, this is what the gospel calls us to. Jesus said, “Repent and believe the gospel!” And when called to repent of something that gives me great joy – it’s “Come on, man!” It’s going to take more than an academic exploration of the text to bring us to repentance. God himself must plant repentance in our hearts. We have to be brought to an understanding that as much as we might find individual happiness and mutual encouragement in this relationship, God indicates it to be against the interests of future generations within the Church and society at large. Broken marriages place greater demands on the state to meet the needs of women and children and in meeting those demands it becomes more totalitarian in its governance.
As I heard someone say recently, the War on Poverty has not eliminated poverty; it has created a poverty industry employing thousands of workers whose livelihood is found in perpetuating poverty, not finding ways to guide the poor out of their poverty. So, it is as well with the divorce industry. There is no money to be made strengthening marriages and making men, women, and children less dependent upon the state for their daily bread.
The Democrat-controlled Congress is debating and trying to pass Mr. Biden’s Build Back Better agenda. When you look at it closely, it is designed to make divorce more available and attractive, and to entice women to abandon their homes and children to the care and instruction of others and find fulfillment in the workplace. Who benefits? Definitely not the children, and not their mothers either. Fathers are made irrelevant. They are no longer essential to the survival of the family and they find meaning in sexual conquest, sports fanaticism, drug abuse, and urban violence. Womanhood is reduced to being an object of sexual pleasure, a womb to incubate a infant, and cheap labor to feed the consumption economy. And Children? They are barriers to their mothers’ psychological fulfillment and sources of wealth to the childcare and education industries. Everyone wins in the Build Back Better program except the American family.
I can’t lay the blame for the disintegration of the family on the Democrats alone. They are only marginally more anti-family than their Republican co-religionists. The family was first attacked by the serpent in Eden, and his assault has been unrelenting since. The devil hates the family because he hates the Creator who mad it in his image. Many of the great heroes of the Old Testament had little regard for a mutually sustaining union of a man and a woman facing the challenges of a sin-broken world together. Abraham was a polygamist. Jacob, aka Israel, was a polygamist. David was a polygamist. And who can forget Solomon the Wise, with his 300 wives and 700 concubines. (A concubine being a mistress or second-class wife who didn’t have to raise her own rent money.) But in our generation, the push to eliminate the biblical family as the basic social unit is accelerating. Bastardy has risen across all ethnic and social groups in America since the 1950s with its greatest damage being done in the Black urban and White lower classes. This weakened social structure makes Build Back Better a “necessity” and further erodes individual autonomy and freedom.
What then are we to do? Have we gone too far from God to return? I think not! None are so far removed from God’s will that they are beyond his reach. God has long arms! Can we repair what we have broken? No. When I was 18, I went down to Doc Webb’s Tattoo Parlor in San Diego and got a tattoo on the bicep of my left arm. Fifty-seven years later that tattoo is still there. It has lost much of its color and the design is faded, but it’s there and it will be there until this body decays in the grave and I am given a new, unmarked body at Christ’s return. But I never got another tattoo. So it is with the family. You may have sinned against God, your spouse, and your children. You may have formed a family that is not a family by bible standards. That’s not fixable. But you can repent. And by the grace of God, you can say from this day forward I shall live in the light of God’s word and his plan for my life. You can tell your children you wronged them and you can do all in your power to recover that which has been lost and not pass your failure to future generations. Set your mind on hewing as close to God’s ideal as it is possible for you to hew. Do not excuse yourself. If you are married – stay married. If you are now single – stay single. No wed; no bed. No one has ever died from lack of sex, but millions have died from it. Take the oath, “As for me and my house, from this day forward we will serve the Lord.”